


if home is where the heart is (then we're all just fucked)

by daunut



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, its four fucking am, team slow ass updates, the saddest excuse for a college au, why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 05:20:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7671679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daunut/pseuds/daunut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>jihoon isn't quite sure how he ended up sprawled across the floor of his local supermarket at two in the morning</p><p> </p><p>(but he's sure as hell he can find a way to blame choi seungcheol)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. and so it begins

**Author's Note:**

> it's four am and i need to distract myself from the fact that school starts in a week.
> 
>  
> 
> honestly i wrote this in half an hour with the vaguest of plot ideas i'll fix this mess when im awake

_Jihoon isn't quite sure how he ends up sprawled across the floor of his local supermarket at two in the morning. He's next to the cold drinks and dairy aisle with an open bottle of banana milkshake, its contents spilling dangerously close to his head. The light bulb above him flickers as a not-so-gentle reminder that all of this is definitely real, and he's not going to wake up from his nightmare any time soon._

_Jihoon sighs, turning his head to the side to avoid the too bright glare of the shop light. He's far too tired to keep up the self pity at this point, but he's sure as hell he can find a way to blame Choi Seungcheol. If it weren't for that idiot he wouldn't have bothered to leave the house in the first place, and nothing remotely embarrassing or soul crushing would have occurred. He's also sure in time, once he's had an adequate amount of rest and food that isn't instant ramen, he'll find the ability to blame Seungkwan and Soonyoung too. But first things first._

_He needs to get off this nasty ass floor._

 

* * *

 

"So when are you going to tell our captain about your huge boner for him?"

Lee Jihoon is in the middle of chewing on a suspiciously stale pizza when he chokes, flails his arms around for some sort of support and gasps, before thumping a hand on his chest to dislodge the lump of pizza crust stuck in his throat. It takes a minute or two before he can successfully breathe once again. It's no thanks to his rowdy company, who are now guffawing non-stop at his ordeal. He makes sure to give them all a fierce glare in the hopes of shutting them up. Sadly, it only ends up in making the four boys crack up even further. 

Ignoring the hysterical laughter of his so called friends and the undeniable heat in his cheeks, Jihoon picks up his soda and sips tentatively, eager not to repeat his sudden episode.

"Aw, did you cough up your voice too, Jihoonie?" Soonyoung manages to squeak out, despite the giggles that still make their way through half his sentence. Seokmin is still sniggering next to him.

_"Fuck you."_

"See, this is the kind of attitude that keeps Seungcheol out of your pants and on the basketball court."

"For fuck's sake Seungkwan, I don't want to get Seungcheol into my pants."

"Oh sorry I meant the other way around."

"Seungkwan, I swear to God-"

"How about we start watching the film now? I only brought the Star Wars originals because, let's face it, Anakin's too much of a whiny bitch for anyone to handle. Padme deserved better." 

It's Hansol who saves them all from certain death, waving his battered dvd box set in front of Seungkwan's face before his hand gets slapped away. Rolling his eyes at his boyfriend's attempt at keeping the peace, Seungkwan plays along, turning his back to Jihoon from where he's sat slumped over on the couch.

Jihoon just sighs, looking to his left where Soonyoung and Seokmin are squished together in the loveseat, busy in their own world making enough bad jokes and puns that Jihoon knows to block it out, lest he want to hit his head off the coffee table. To his right are Seungkwan and Hansol, the latter cross legged on the floor looking up at his significant other who's sat on the sofa. They're bickering about which is the best film to watch and _no, it is not based on how good looking Harrison Ford is in each one._

It's as he's watching the four of them lovingly interact with each other and litter his living room with half finished pizza slices and Coke cans, that Jihoon finally realises what he should have figured out years ago.

He fucking hates his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know what the fuck this is!! sorry!!
> 
> edit: alright so im alive now and i want to carry this on as a chaptered fic, hopefully the rest will be longer than this but. i _plan_ to update regularly. it's anyone's guess if i actually manage to finish this


	2. blame the butterflies

_"Jihoon? Jihoon! Are you awake?"_

_Blinking away the exhaustion in his eyes, the boy in question manages a weak groan at the noise. He feels someone shaking his shoulders before a pair of arms are wrapped around his waist, lifting him up from the sticky ground. Eyes still refusing to open fully, Jihoon attempts to move his arms in order to assist his helper but almost falls over again. He grunts in frustration._

_"Easy does it, Jihoonie. We need to get you home."_

_He recognises the voice. So it's Soonyoung who's his saviour. Awfully appropriate considering this whole situation is partly his fault. Or maybe Jihoon is just desperate to find someone to be angry at besides_ him _. He doesn't know anymore._

_Soonyoung secures his grip around his waist and hauls him upright, struggling a little with the shorter boy's weight. Jihoon would honestly try and help him out, but he's too worn out, hungry, and currently has banana milkshake stuck in his hair and dripping down his neck. For now, he'll let Soonyoung do the work._

* * *

The five of them- soon to be the four of them, if Seokmin keeps singing trot songs in between bites of food- are at the cafe on campus when Junhui stops by their table, a disgruntled Minghao in tow. They pull up another chair when Chan- who is in the basketball team with them as well as Soonyoung- naturally comes into sight as soon as they do. The minute everyone is seated the four of them begin conspiring in Chinese, as usual. Chan and Soonyoung had ended up learning it over the years spent practicing and hanging out with the two former boys. 

They huddle together like their lives depend on it, whispering excitedly and occasionally sneaking glances at Jihoon. Or at least Soonyoung is doing most of the glancing. Jihoon merely raises an eyebrow. He really doesn't want to know. 

So when Soonyoung whips around from the secret circle and wraps an arm around Jihoon's shoulder, he rolls his eyes and focuses on typing up the report he's due in on his laptop. Maybe he can try tuning the boy out.

"So Jihoonie-"

"No."

"Wait, you didn't even-"

"No."

"Hey that's not fa-"

"I said no. Whatever it is, I want no part in it." Soonyoung almost pouted, but quickly recovered, knowing it would get him nowhere.

"Listen, I swear it's nothing bad. It's Mingyu's birthday so the team are having a party this weekend-"

Jihoon frowns, ready to shut him down right there and then but Soonyoung somehow manages to talk right through him.

"-and everyone is allowed to bring guests so I decided to bring you and the rest of these losers!" He cheerfully gestures to a mildly offended Seungkwan, Hansol and Seokmin. The latter is far too engrossed in serenading his pastry to notice.

"Come on, it'll be fun. Last chance of slacking off till exam season, right Jihoonie?"

His frown only deepens.

"When you say everyone, you mean all the guys in the basketball team don't you?"

Soonyoung's grin falters. "Well, yes, but-"

"So that means the captain will be there?" Jihoon narrows his eyes at a guilty looking Soonyoung.

"I'm not going to suffer through your feeble attempt to set me up with Choi Seungcheol, Soonyoung. Count me out."

"But Jihoon! I wasn't going to-"

"I'm not saying it again."

Cue complaints about how boring he is and never has any fun. Jihoon has heard it all before. 

He easily tunes out the pitiful pleading from his best friend, snorting a little. As much as he tries to convince himself it's just teasing, he can't help but feel slightly stung whenever it's pointed out. They're right, anyway. He _is_ no fun, and that's exactly why he shouldn't be going to any crowded college parties. 

Jihoon resists the urge to sigh and dunk his head in his coffee, instead taking a gulp of the much needed caffeine and going back to his report. Soonyoung is still whining at him and now Chan has started babbling on about their next big game against the nearby school. _It doesn't matter_ , he thinks. He'll grow immune to his irrational sensitivity soon. Or maybe Soonyoung will finally give up on him. 

He switches his gaze to the determined expression on his friend's face, still chattering away. Jihoon allows himself to let out a small smile. That would be likely. There's no chance of giving up when it comes to Kwon Soonyoung. Unfortunately for him, that means he's going to have to put up with nonsense like this for a long time.

* * *

He's walking at a brisk pace across campus, silently cursing himself for not keeping track of time. It's the last day for his due report and his professor, for some godforsaken reason, insisted the reports be submitted by hand. Some bullshit about authenticity and digital demons. Jihoon growls. He was definitely not taking English Literature for another year.

Perhaps if his printer was working, he'd have been able to submit it earlier. Perhaps then he wouldn't need to rush to Soonyoung's to use his, only to find it didn't print in colour. And perhaps if he had ran to the college building in the first place to print it off there, he wouldn't be so tight for time or in such a hurry, and he wouldn't have walked right into the very _last_ person he wanted to meet.

"Oh shit, are you okay?"

Jihoon had been staring holes into the ground the entire time he was walking, and so got the shock of his life when his face collided rather harshly with a solid chest. He had _not_ shrieked and tumbled to the ground in surprise. Jihoon simply lost his balance thanks to the imbecile that crashed right into him. Whether or not that imbecile is the same hot basketball captain he's been crushing on for the last few months is completely irrelevant.

"Um, hello?"

Jihoon jumps, looking up from his uncomfortable position on the ground, his papers scattered around him. Several decide to make things worse for him by landing in a nearby puddle. He almost whimpers. It takes all his willpower not to knock his head off the cool concrete he's lying on and scream, but Seungcheol is standing over him, looking concerned and worried, newly dyed blonde hair pushed back off his forehead. He holds it in.

"I-I'm fine, thank you." Jihoon almost smacks himself. Since when did he stutter? Seungcheol's face instantly twists into a huge grin, however, and the entire quad seems to look a bit brighter. 

"Oh good! You spaced out for a minute there. Here."

Seungcheol offers a hand to Jihoon. He hesitates slightly before taking it, trying very hard not to think about how big and warm the other's hand is around his, and how much he'd like to hold it more. He's still in the middle of his stupor when Seungcheol lets go, bending down to pick up the papers he'd dropped. It's while he's casually checking out the captain's ass that he realises he's just been standing there for over a minute. Jihoon panics.

"Wait! I mean, stop. Let me get those." He bends down and meets Seungcheol's eye level, blushing a little at the close proximity, and switches his gaze to the ground. He frantically prays the captain is as dense as Seungkwan says he is and doesn't notice. Before Jihoon can stop himself, his mouth moves for him.

"It's my fault you crashed into me, anyway." Once again, Lee Jihoon feels the need to inflict violence upon himself because _it was_ him _that pushed me to the ground what the fuck._

He wants to melt into the ground when Seungcheol has the audacity to chuckle at him. _Chuckle._ Suddenly it looks like Jihoon might actually get over this school girl crush after all.

"Nah, I actually wasn't looking where I was going. Sorry about that." He says pointing to the now soggy report he's just retrieved from the puddle. Picking up the last sheet, he shuffles his slightly damp pile of paper before handing it over to Jihoon. "I'm Seungcheol by the way."

 _Dude you're the hottest guy on campus of course I fucking know who you are_ , Jihoon bites back. That would not do.

He instead settles for, "Lee Jihoon." _Much better._

"Your name is Jihoon? You don't happen to be Soonyoung's friend, right?"

"Um, yeah."

"Cool! Soonyoung mentioned you the other day. We're celebrating Mingyu's birthday this weekend so everyone in the team is coming. Did he already tell you?" Jihoon frowns. Soonyoung had better not have said anything.

"He said you'd probably be going. He's bringing a few other people as well, I think. All of you should come, Mingyu always throws kick ass parties. And I promise to make up for messing up your project or whatever. Again, I'm really sorry." Seungcheol's smile is so wide and Jihoon is fascinated at how he's able to talk and keep the same expression without his face splitting in two. He almost forgets to be pissed at Soonyoung. Almost.

"Look, I really don't have time, and-"

"Please? I'd feel bad if I just let you go after ruining your work." The boy looks like a kicked puppy, and Jihoon is torn between wanting to hug him or smack him upside the head. He inwardly groans.

"I'll think about it." Seungcheol instantly perks up, getting to his feet and ruffling his hair.

"Great! See you there, Lee Jihoon!" He exclaims joyfully, giving a small wave before jogging off to the athletics department. Jihoon is left only able correct him in his head, that he didn't actually say yes to anything, while the telltale hue of pink on his cheeks and ever present butterflies say otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we have progress! o miracle of miracles!


	3. dress up

_"You need to eat, Jihoon."_

_"I'm not hungry."_

_"Bullshit"_

_"I don't want anything right now. I'll eat later."_

_"We both know you won't. Can you at least pretend to care about your health? Seungkwan and I can't do all the worrying for you."_

_Soonyoung actually sighs as he leans back on Jihoon's bed, eyes flicking from the bowl of hot soup he's holding on a tray to Jihoon's bowed head, the angle making his fringe cover his face entirely. He refuses to look his friend in the eyes. It's his fault he's in this situation, he just had to go and_ 'catch feelings'. _What is this, a badly scripted drama? Even Soonyoung has had enough of him, he's tiring everyone, tiring himself and falling behind in his work, despite working even harder than before since-_

_Jihoon closes his eyes and breathes hard through his nose. Why can't he do anything right?_

_"Hey, I can hear you blaming yourself from all the way over here. Once again, it's not your fault, you melodramatic bastard, and my offer of kicking Seungcheol's ass still stands."_

_Jihoon lifts his head at the voice, watching as Seungkwan strides into the dorm, a bag of doughnuts in hand. He has to restrain himself from almost drooling at the sight of them. The two other boys in the room notice his hungry gaze and share a smirk as Seungkwan tosses the bag to him. Jihoon cautiously peeks inside the bag before extracting a doughnut and taking small bites, all the while glaring at Soonyoung, daring him to say anything. He just shakes his head and grins in response._ Mission accomplished.

_Soonyoung turns back to the room's latest arrival._

_"Seungkwan, you couldn't beat up a ten year old. And I mean that literally, you shouldn't have tried to fight that kid over the store's last tootsie roll. He almost gave you a brain haemorrhage with that thing."_

_"I keep telling you I felt sorry for him so I let him win!" Seungkwan protests. Soonyoung gives him an incredulous look._

_"Is that why you ended up snivelling into Hansol's shoulder?"_

_"Oh, shut up!"_

_At the sight of his friends' bickering, Jihoon finally manages a smile for the first time in a month, dusted sugar still on his hands and doughnut crumbs covering his mouth. He lets a small laugh escape him and the two in front of him cease their argument at the sound. The sight of him chuckling at them causes relieved smiles to bloom on both of their faces. It may have taken a while, but Jihoon was going to be okay._

* * *

 

He's standing in front of the mirror, fingers fiddling with the hem of his shirt and worrying his lip with his teeth. Jihoon is about two seconds from cutting his lip deep enough to make it bleed when Soonyoung swings open the door and waltzes in, twirling dramatically around the room to show off his outfit. The performance is rather underwhelming considering he's only wearing a Spiderman shirt and boxers. Jihoon stares on at his friend, unfazed.

"I don't know about you, but most people tend to wear pants outside." Soonyoung grins.

"My dear Jihoonie, I think we've known each other long enough to know I'm not most people."

"You're still wearing pants in public though."

"I don't know, Minki bought a pretty cute skirt the other day-"

"Only Choi Minki can pull off a skirt well and you know it. Now get dressed before Seokmin gets here, I'm not letting you two finish off what you started the last time one of you was half dressed in the dorm."

On receiving nothing but a snort of giggles from the older boy in return, Jihoon deftly kicks Soonyoung out his room so he can return to criticising every inch of his reflection. He inwardly growns. _Why does he even care so much?_ It's just a stupid college party. A stupid college party that the ever gentlemanly, sweet and most definite school heartthrob Choi Seungcheol is going to. Not that he's thinking about _that_ at all.

The loud bang of the dorm door being slammed open and a strangled war cry ("And so we march into battle!" cut off by a shriek because _fucking hell Soonyoung, put some damn pants on_ ) is what tells Jihoon that Seokmin, Seungkwan and Hansol have arrived. He doesn't hear Hansol, but he imagines the boy is attempting to calm his boyfriend down to a reasonable volume now as the walls are no longer shaking from noise.

He takes one last look at his appearance in the mirror, frowning at his choice of clothing- a short sleeved blue button up and black jeans, his fringe falling into his eyes, _shit he needs to get it cut soon-_ when the hollering starts up again. Jihoon rolls his eyes, deciding that keeping his friends from screaming the building down is slightly more important right now. Brushing non-existent dust from his shirt and grabbing his phone off the desk, Jihoon steps out the room.

* * *

"Are you sure this is Mingyu's house?"

The group of five got a ride from Junhui to the party. Minghao had an early morning class the next day and couldn't come ("I have classes tomorrow too! What difference is there between me and Minghao that I have to come?" "Minghao actually leaves his dorm to venture in the outside world Jihoonie. An experience you sorely need."), while Chan had already arrived, living just around the block from his teammate. They are currently all squished in the back seat, save for Junhui, who's driving, and Jihoon, who used his hyung card to ride shotgun. The house they are pulled up to is better described as a mansion than anything else. 

It's Junhui who answers Hansol's query. "Yep, his parents are loaded. They paid for his full scholarship, though I'm sure if he'd have been able to take the exam he'd get it anyway. Lucky kid doesn't even need to study."

"You don't need to study either, asshole."

"Still."

The conversation ends with Hansol's grumbling and Junhui giving up on finding an empty space to park, leaving it smack bang right in front of the gate. Jihoon only sighs and hopes he doesn't get a ticket.  


They all peel themselves out of the overcrowded vehicle and get a better look at Mingyu's place. Large iron wrought gates loom over the boys as they slowly make their way to the front door, also wide open. Booming music and loud voices can be heard escaping from inside the monstrous building, people are spread out mingling on the front lawn as well as just being visible from the door.

Jihoon does his best to conceal his anxiety with irritation. He trails behind the group as they get inside, and it almost helps that the loud EDM is hurting his ears already. Should he catch sight of a certain basketball captain, he has a solid enough excuse to leave early to avoid him. Pleased with his plan, Jihoon turns towards the kitchen where the rest of his friends have wandered to. Making his way over, he sees they are part of a crowd gathered around the kitchen table. Cursing his height, he pushes past Soonyoung, raising an eyebrow in question at his amused expression. But as he turns his attention to the table in front of them, it seems Jihoon doesn't really need a verbal answer.

Mingyu is standing on the table- taking his already towering height to a whole new level- torso missing a shirt, cheeks flushed and roaring with laughter as he spins said shirt above his head to the music. He's horribly drunk, despite the practically full bottle of tequila in his free hand.

"Told you he was a lightweight." Hansol comments. Seokmin throws him a look.

"Well it's not like you're any better. At least he can keep a beat."

"I'll have you know my rapping is impeccable."

"I don't think reciting the McDonald's menu counts as spitting fire."

Jihoon ignores the two of them and searches for Wonwoo in the chaos, Mingyu's somehow boyfriend and impulse control. He finds him perched on the counter across the table and is surprised to see Wonwoo calmly watching his other half's pitiful state, sipping on a cocktail, the little umbrella tucked behind his ear. Seungkwan notices too, and calls him over the deafening noise of music, party goers and a tone deaf Mingyu.

"Shouldn't you be doing something about this?!" He shouts over to Wonwoo, vaguely gesturing towards the birthday boy, now attempting to unbuckle his belt but breaking into a fit of giggles every two seconds. Wonwoo simply shrugs.

"He said he wanted to have fun. As long as he's not hurt, he'll be fine." It's enough to satisfy Seungkwan, but next to him Hansol looks so torn between wanting to pull Mingyu down from the table or bolting out the door. Jihoon strongly agrees with the second option.

He glances around the madness surrounding him and it hits him that he _really doesn't want to be here._ Everything is too loud, the smell of alcohol is nauseating and there are so many bodies pressed up to and around him. He's not claustrophobic by any means, but there's far too much going on and Jihoon suddenly remembers why he prefers to stay at his quiet, peaceful dorm room. He needs to get out of here.

Making up his mind, Jihoon weaves his way out of the crowd to find some breathing space again, as the temperature has risen far too quickly for his liking. He manages to escape the hoard of bodies and is disheartened to see the front door is also crowded with more new arrivals. His disappointment is temporary however, as he spots a back door on the other side of the kitchen. The garden should at least allow him to once again have some personal space.

Eyes set on his target, Jihoon silently moves around Mingyu's audience, several drunk dancers, and a few members of the basketball team trying and failing to hit up girls. He opens the garden door and hurries forward, eager to experience fresh air once more, when he sees a pair of shoes stop in front of him. Jihoon only just stops himself in time to not bump into whoever it is and looks up, eyes widening in a mix of horror and utter exasperation. He's making an unhealthy habit of this. Attached to the air jordans, ripped skinny jeans and criminally loose tank top is a mess of blonde hair, wide doe eyes and a wide grin. Only one thing goes through Jihoon's mind as he stands there, gaping like a fish.

_Fuck my life._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that updating regularly plan went to shit didn't it


	4. great expectations

_At long last Jihoon is well enough to leave his bed, much to his unexpected delight and Soonyoung's reluctance, who has been far too happy playing nurse for his friend. Jihoon honest to god loves Soonyoung, but waking up to the other boy shrieking in his face every morning and remaining with him for the next twenty four hours is something he can no longer take. Besides that, he has a tonne of work to catch up to now and not being able to take his own lecture notes while on forced bedrest ("For the last time Seungkwan I'm not dying, restrict me to this bed one more time and it won't be me who'll end up being close to death" "...I thought you said he got less angry when he's tired" "This_ is _less angry, Seungkwan.") has been eating him alive._

 

_He's walking to his first class of the day with Junhui and Minghao when he sees them. His two friends are busy cussing each other out in Mandarin over a can of soda and remain oblivious to the fact that Jihoon has fully stopped in his tracks and is no longer beside them. He can't tear his eyes away._

_Jihoon keeps watching the them from a distance, their laughs and cheerful voices ringing in his ears. His legs tremble, eyes unblinking, his arms tightening over the folders he's holding tightly against his chest._

_He was wrong. He can't do this. He's not ready to face them, especially not him. Jihoon feels the familiar embarrassment and shame wash over him. His eyes close and he remembers what an idiot he was, still is. An idiot who can't move the fuck on. He slowly opens his eyes, feet still glued to the floor. His folders fall to the ground._

_Jihoon runs._

* * *

"Hey! You made it."

His mouth is still hanging open pathetically as he takes in Seungcheol's dazzling smile and messed up hair. Jihoon feels that he has quite possibly the worst timing of anyone on the planet, and he should do the world a grand favour by never being talked into leaving his dorm again. Or cease to exist altogether. Seungcheol, however, doesn't seem to notice his inner turmoil and is perfectly content to be grinning down at the shorter boy in a not at all endearing way. Still hovering over Jihoon as they stand opposite each other in the doorway, he speaks again.

"Did you just arrive?" He asks, without waiting for a response. "I got here a while ago, I wasn't sure if you were coming! Have you seen Mingyu? I was looking for-"

Seungcheol cuts off his own sentence when his eyes travel past Jihoon's head to the kitchen table. The song has changed and Mingyu has now resorted to downright humping the table to the pounding bass track and overjoyed screams of his audience. Wonwoo pulls out his phone and starts videoing the scene. Seungkwan and Seokmin are chanting, _"Strip! Strip! Strip!"._

"Oh." Seungcheol says intelligently. Jihoon can't do anything but agree. He sticks his hands in his pockets, unsure of what to do. Seungcheol seems to be at a complete loss as well. His mouth opening and closing silently. If he wasn't so pitifully nervous, Jihoon would laugh at how ridiculous he looks. 

"Since he's a bit, erm, busy," Seungcheol continues, worriedly watching his teammate, "Do you want to come outside for a bit? It's much calmer than in here."

He looks at Jihoon expectantly, and the younger boy maintains that if it wasn't for those stupid, _stupid_ puppy dog eyes he'd have walked right out the door by now. Make no mistake, Lee Jihoon has an iron will.

It's just a shame that it rusts and falls apart in the presence of one Choi Seungcheol.

So he lets the door be held open for him ("Thanks" he mutters, very much ignoring the delighted, "No problem!" he receives in return) and trudges into the garden with Seungcheol because he is far too warm, needs fresh air and maybe wants to stare at the basketball captain a little more. Just maybe.

What he doesn't expect, however, is the supposed garden to be nothing less than a mini rainforest, with endless flower bushes taking up the entire fence, a gigantic old tree with a swing attached to one branch and even a small pond with colourful fish visible from the surface. The grass is freshly mown and a white garden bench is sat next to the pond, the back of intricately designed with swirling loops and hearts. Jihoon's face burns as Seungcheol plonks himself down on it and nods his head towards Jihoon, patting the space next to him. 

Jihoon contemplates throwing himself into the pond and staying there for all eternity. His life has become a teen romance movie in the span of a week and Jihoon kind of really wants this to end now. Yet he hesitantly moves over to sit next to Seungcheol, purposely leaving a few centimetres between them and awkwardly twisting his fingers. He suddenly finds his shoes wildly fascinating. What on earth is he supposed to do now? 

"So, um, why weren't you in there? This is your teammate's party after all." He tries, and instantly curses himself because _the man just offered you a seat and you're sat here interrogating him of all fucking things to say._

But Seungcheol only grins sheepishly and rubs the back of his neck, (no it is not cute, Jihoon doesn't do cute) as he answers.

"It just got too hot and busy inside, so I went out for a breather. I was about to go back inside and look for Mingyu, so I could wish him happy birthday before he got too drunk but, well." He gave Jihoon a look. "You saw how that worked out."

Jihoon nods silently, still revelling in the fact that he's sat next to Choi Seungcheol, in a quiet fairytale garden _alone_. He's well aware that right now he's pretty much embodying teen romance movie to the extreme.

"I'm guessing you were trying to get out of that chaos too?" The captain asks him, interrupting Jihoon's mortifying epiphany with a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

With pink seeping into his cheeks, Jihoon nods again, and for the first time wishes he'd been slightly more social in his high school days. This is a casual form of physical contact, isn't it? He certainly thinks so. But Jihoon is positive he won't live much longer if he's blushing like a nun when Seungcheol so much as touches his shoulder. He wants to scream.

"You know, I did promise to make it up to you." Jihoon frowns.

"What?" He asks, confused.

"From before, when I knocked over your work. I want to make it up to you." Seungcheol's voice gets closer to his ear, and Jihoon shivers. His head is still slightly bowed, his gaze directed to the moonlit water of the pond in front of them. Seungcheol's hand is still holding on to him, and Jihoon feels a little dizzy.

"Cheol? Can you- oh."

Jihoon snaps his head up faster than he can blink and the warmth on his shoulder is suddenly gone. He feels a little disappointed and tries not to show it on his face as the owner of the voice is glancing between the two of them from the now half open door, looking a little distressed. 

The boy has long black hair tied back in a ponytail and eyeliner smudged across both eyes, a cocktail glass in his right hand. He's not quite pretty. His features too soft, too elegant. _He's beautiful_.

Jihoon doesn't recognise him but Seungcheol does, rising from his place next to Jihoon and hurrying over to him.

"Jeonghan? What is it, are you alright?" He looks the other boy up and down, concerned. Jeonghan only shakes his head and takes a few gulps of air before his eyes flicker towards Jihoon, who shifts in his seat uncomfortably.

"I- can I talk to you inside? It's urgent." He says, eyes still on Jihoon.

Seungcheol frowns, opening his mouth to reply but Jeonghan cuts him off before he can say a word. 

"Please?"

That seems to do it for Seungcheol. He reluctantly nods as he follows the boy inside, turning back quickly to give Jihoon a brief apologetic look as he goes in. Jihoon blinks. This was not how he expected things to go. Then again, he's not entirely sure what he expected in the first place. The sight of Jeonghan pleading with Seungcheol made his stomach twist painfully, and seeing the captain look at him in such a worried way only made it worse. As if Jihoon can even think of having a chance with campus's most desired when someone like Jeonghan is around. Jihoon shakes his head, trying to brush off his frustration. _Seungcheol is just a dumb crush,_ he tells himself. _I'll get over him._

Heaving himself off the bench resignedly, Jihoon makes his way back inside the building. He can take a taxi home. Soonyoung and the rest will want to stay and watch Mingyu further degrade himself, no doubt. 

He opens the door and steps inside to find the house even more crowded than before, if it was even possible. People are pressed around him on all sides, giving him no room to breathe let alone move. His lack of height is taunting him more than usual now since he can't see over the crowd around him, even on his tiptoes. Jihoon swears loudly and starts pushing his way through the mass of people. Any trace of his patience has long since dissipated. 

He's tired, pissed off and covered in the sweat of random college students. First order of business: he's going to kill Soonyoung. 

His plan is cut short unfortunately as the second he finds himself out of the human maze, the other boy manages to find him and thrusts a drink in his face. Jihoon decides his homocidal mission can wait a bit. 

"You look like you need i-" is all Soonyoung gets to say before Jihoon angrily snatches the cup out of his hands and downed it one gulp, leaving a wide eyed Soonyoung gaping at him. 

"You- you might want to slow down on that, Jihoonie. You _know_ you're not the best at holding your liquor." He says hesitantly, taking in Jihoon's more-grumpy-than-usual expression. 

"I don't _care._ I need a drink." Jihoon spits out. Turning away from his friend he reaches the kitchen counter where Wonwoo is still filming his boyfriend, and fills himself another cup. He has no idea what the hell it is, but he can't bring himself to be bothered for once. Maybe he'll die from alcohol poisoning and won't have to suffer the inconvenience of human emotion any more. Again, he doesn't give a shit about how morbid it sounds. 

_They all want me to 'loosen up',_ he thinks, downing the drink and rolling his eyes at Wonwoo's questioning gaze. _They've got it._


	5. where is my mind

_Soonyoung sighs at his friend, stroking a comforting hand through Jihoon's hair as the younger boy exhales shakily, wiping the tears off his face with his sleeve. It seems they always end up here, Jihoon thinks bitterly. Soonyoung comforting him when he has a fit over the dumbest crush of all time. And he's got nobody but himself to blame._

_They don't speak this time, and Jihoon is grateful for that. It honestly feels as if he's taken one step forward and then two steps back too many before ending up falling off the edge. He knows he needs to get a grip, it's been too long for him to keep moping over this._

_Jihoon takes in one last gulp of air and sits up, freeing himself from Soonyoung's arms, much to the other's alarm._

_"Jihoon, are you okay?"_

_"I'm fine."_

_"Are you su-"_

"Yes."

_Jihoon cuts him off, rubbing at his face with his hands and slowly getting up from his bed, shuffling over to his cabinet to drink the glass of water Soonyoung had put there earlier when he barged into the dorm to find Jihoon in his room slumped over his bed, sobbing into the pillows._

_Jihoon lifts the glass to his lips and chugs it down, already feeling much more refreshed than he was a few seconds ago. It's okay. He's okay._

_Soonyoung eyes him worriedly when he finishes, not yet convinced._

_"Are you still gonna go to class? You've already missed this morning's lecture."_

_Jihoon hesitates slightly before answering._

_"I need to go get my folders before my next class. Minghao and Junhui might have them, I sort of dropped them when I, um, you know." He shifts uncomfortably, not meeting Soonyoung's eyes. The silence stretches between them and Jihoon wants nothing more than to hide under his bed and never leave. Seungkwan can bring him his favourite pastries and Hansol can tell him about the new book he's read that week. He'd have to forgo the use of a normal toilet but at least he won't be bothered by furiously charming, deceptive basketball captains ever again._

_"Jihoon what the fuck, no. And you call me dramatic?" Jihoon snaps out of his thoughts and blinks, noticing the number of people in the room has multiplied. Hansol, Seokmin and Seungkwan make their way in, closing the door behind them. Seungkwan gives him a rather unimpressed look, hand on his hip._

_"And here I was, thinking you were the only intelligent one out of all of us."_

_He shakes his head, looking towards the sky and bringing a hand to his brow in mock exasperation. Hansol grins from behind him, settling himself down on Jihoon's bed while Seokmin has made a beeline for Soonyoung, wrapping himself around his boyfriend in an amusing but still sickeningly couple-like way. Jihoon wonders if he's always been this bitter towards people in relationships or if it's a recent development._

_He's pretty sure it's the first one._

_With his friends all gathered around to help him out though, Jihoon's spirits lift a little. Perhaps a good one centimetre off the ground, but Jihoon feels much lighter all the same. As long as he's able to keep one Choi Seungcheol away at maximum distance, he should be able to survive. He replays the thought in his head as he hears knocking at the door, leaving the room to answer it._

Must be Minghao and Junhui, _he thinks._ Or just Minghao, since he probably won the great soda debacle. Junhui will be off sulking over his loss as per usual.

_His mind is still very much focused on the China-line duo as he opens the door, his eyes trained on the ground and forgetting that there is someone standing in front of him, who is neither of the constantly squabbling friends. Jihoon comes back to reality when he hears a cough, and his eyes widen as he notices a familiar pair of air jordans. A wave of déjà vu hits him as he slowly lifts his head, the breath leaving his body as he makes eye contact with person standing in front of him._

_"Um, hi-"_

_A wild shriek cuts off the captain's greeting as a scuffed shoe whizzes through the air and flies past Jihoon's ear, hitting Seungcheol square in the face. Jihoon only watches in mild horror as Seungcheol's back meets the floor with a yelp of pain. He can hear Seungkwan screaming insults ("you fucking assfuck fuck you-" "Seungkwan, calm down he's already knocked out-" "-he'd fucking better be I hope your perfect teeth got knocked out too-") but Jihoon is frozen where he stands, looking at Seungcheol's passed out body on the corridor floor._

_Jihoon is more than certain he's heading for an early grave._

* * *

Booming music and wild laughter reaches his ears, the world is moving far too fast and the coming and going blurry shapes of people finally comes back into focus. Jihoon giggles. He's not quite sure what he finds so amusing, but there's a pleasant buzz in the back of his head and he's still thirsty, so off he goes again to the drinks table with the intention of remedying the situation. He's bordering on overflowing his cup when a hand fits over his to prevent him from creating an indoor swimming pool.

"I think that's enough for tonight, Jihoonie." It must be Soonyoung, he thinks hazily, trying to free himself from the surprisingly strong grip.

"Let me _go_ , Soonyoung." He mutters half-heartedly, trying to smack the hand away. He's _thirsty_ dammit.

He hears a chuckle. "Not quite Soonyoung, but he should be here soon enough."

Jihoon's mind finally registers the voice. _Seungcheol._  


He looks up properly, blinking rapidly to try and make out the boy's features. A gentle smile and eyes filled with concern. His hand is still covering his and even though Seungcheol is taller than him and has arms sculpted by angels themselves, it's not too much bigger than his own. They fit together nicely, and Jihoon is certainly not opposed to warmth he feels when maintaining skin contact with the captain. _I knew he was hot but damn, I didn't expect it to be so literal,_ he thinks. _He's a like furnace. With dimples._

Seungcheol snorts. "Furnace with dimples? Oh, I am so not letting you forget this." 

He makes an amused sound, finally moving from his position right next to Jihoon- much to the younger boy's disappointment- and drags him away from the hollers and cheers of the dancing crowd around them. Jihoon is oddly okay with Seungcheol leading him up the stairs into a bedroom, shutting the door behind him. He tries not to think about what that says about him. Mainly because he's still trying to figure out how to send words to his mouth without them being too embarrassing. It's not working.

"I'll text Soonyoung to come up here and take you home, you're in no state to keep drinking." Seungcheol says, typing on his phone. Jihoon simply nods, admiring the en suite bathroom he has just discovered.  


He hears Seungcheol grumbling at his cell phone, sighing at the lack of response.

The older boy looks a little worried still, and Jihoon isn't happy with that. Not in the slightest. Seungcheol doesn't look cute when he's frowning.

"Are you going to comment on my appearance all night?" Seungcheol huffs, the glint in his eyes and the wide grin deceiving him. Jihoon thinks he's maybe sobering up a bit and almost slaps himself in the forehead, because _fuck_ is he really saying everything out loud?

"Yes."

Jihoon groans, moving over to the bed and falling on to it face first. He can hear Seungcheol laughing at him, but for once he really doesn't care. 

"You have a nice laugh." He decides to announce, because Seungcheol should know how melodious his voice is. "It's like... that sound wind chimes make. Sort of sparkly, but in sound form." 

The captain laughs again. Jihoon joins him, giggling slightly. Sitting up, he pats the space next to him on the bed. He's feeling bold, and it's most definitely the copious amounts of alcohol running through his system, but Seungcheol is hot, and he's with him here alone. Jihoon is not about to pass that opportunity up.

"Sit with me," he whines. _God_ what is he doing. Shouldn't he be embarrassed about this? He thinks he should. 

But then Seungcheol is less than two inches away from him and suddenly Jihoon isn't thinking anymore. The other boy sends him a soft smile, shaking his head at him.

"How did you manage to get this wasted? Last time I checked you were a stickler for the rules," he says, before his eyes widen and he hurriedly tries to correct himself. "Not that it's a bad thing! In fact it's quite admirable, really-"

He's cut off by a hand over his mouth and the sound of faint laughter. Jihoon looks up at the boy's shocked expression and bursts into a fresh fit of giggles. _He's so cute_. He should probably tell him that too. So he does.

"You're so cute." He says, enjoying the pink tinting Seungcheol's cheeks and nervous eyes. He only has a few seconds of glory however, as Seungcheol removes his hand and shifts away slightly.

"You're so drunk."

"I'm not that drunk."

"Yes you are, you can't even focus on anything I'm saying, can you?" 

Seungcheol takes Jihoon's incoherent mumbling under his breath as a yes. He sighs.

"Wait here, I'll go get Soonyoung." Jihoon's eyes widen. He can't leave him already! This isn't how it's supposed to go, and he's watched enough teen rom coms to know.

"Wha- no, wait!" He tugs on Seungcheol's arm as he gets up, surprising the captain into toppling over him on the bed, his larger frame almost collapsing onto Jihoon with an _'oof!'._  


Jihoon yelps, being almost crushed by the sudden weight on his torso, and wriggles around to try and free himself. Seungcheol seems to realise his distress and scrambles to raise himself on his hands and elbows to get off of him, cursing when his head manages to knock against Jihoon's. The younger boy lets out a small moan of pain, hands reaching up to massage his head. It's as they struggle to remove themselves from the compromising position that the door creaks open and a loud gasp fills the room.

_"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we're back! was it 4 months? 5 months? idk but school has been well and truly kicking my ass so i do apologise for the lack of quality n late update. 
> 
> admittedly i did rush this one bc i have a mock exam tomorrow morning but i should be able update once more before new year. hopefully
> 
> ~~and yes the title is definitely a pixies reference how #edgy of me~~


	6. morning glory

_A sudden cough alerts Jihoon to the presence of another person at the door. He turns his head, eyes widening further at the man walking towards the dorm door, eyeing Seungcheol with caution and raising an eyebrow at Jihoon._

_Of all people to rock up to his dorm room, it had to be these two. The smaller boy opens his mouth to speak, but no sound comes out. He looks back into the dorm for help, almost smacking his head into the wall when he sees them restraining a squirming, angry Seungkwan still screeching profanities. Jihoon turns back to the confused man in the hallway, sighing before taking in a deep breath and opening the door wider, shuffling out of the way._

 

_"I- I suppose you had better come in."_

 

 

* * *

 

All Jihoon can make out is the blurry image of Soonyoung and his yelling as Seungcheol splutters some form of response. He groans, giving up on moving as the older boy had fallen off the bed in his panic and is now trying to comminucate with a- well, a very angry looking Seungkwan wielding a glass bottle. He idly hopes the younger boy doesn't break it and make a mess.

But Jihoon is too busy nursing his sore head to fully register the loud slap of Seungkwan's hand meeting Seungcheol's face. He doesn't quite notice Soonyoung pulling him upright and out the room, Seungcheol's eyebrows rising almost to the top of his head, shouting out streams of words in rapid succession, a horrified look on his face.

He does, however, notice that he's being dragged out of the room and away from the hot basketball captain.

Which he most certainly does not want. He attempts to wriggle out from Soonyoung's grip, grumbling when the other boy just shackles his arms over his shoulders a little tighter.

"H-hey where are we going? I'm talking to Seungcheol-"

"You were doing a lot more than just talking Jihoonie. Or at least Seungcheol was." He's practically fuming, face still slightly flushed in anger.

"Fuck, if we hadn't got to you guys in time I- I don't even know. I can't fucking believe this-"

Jihoon's brain decides to tune out Soonyoung at this point, his drunken state making it easier than usual. Instead he takes in the furious expression on his friend's face with confusion. _Why is Soonyoung so pissed?_

He voices this thought out loud.

He doesn't expect Soonyoung to give him such a taken aback look. The boy stops their descent down the stairs to grab Jihoon's shoulders with both hands and look him dead in the eye.

"Jihoon, what did Seungcheol do to you just now?"

Jihoon blinks. Is Soonyoung stupid? He's been working on this theory for a while and now after several cups of vodka and cherry something he thinks he's got it right.

"Um, kiss me? Or he was about to, till you ruined it." He scoffs, briefly mourning his loss of action.

Soonyoung examines him carefully, not speaking for a solid minute before Jihoon gets antsy and shrugs off his grip.

"Why are you asking anyway? W-what's your problem?" He's trying his best to be aggressive here but the alcohol is getting to him and Jihoon really wants a nap. And maybe some cheetos. He knows where Seokmin hides them.

Soonyoung only sighs, running a hand through his hair.

"He was on top of you on a bed, and you're drunk out of your mind. I had to make sure he wasn't taking advantage of you." He leans back on the bannister and eyes Jihoon carefully.

  
"And I think I believe you, but I'm gonna have to have a word with Seungcheol about this. I wouldn't normally suspect this sort of thing from him but after what he told me-"

"Told y-you what?" Jihoon manages, slightly more alert but teetering on his feet. Soonyoung, seeing the precarious position they were in on the stairs quickly slings an arm over Jihoon's shoulders again and hauls him down the steps and through the house. They reach the front door and stumble outside, Jihoon relishing the blast of fresh air hitting his face, despite his lolling head on Soonyoung's shoulder and the whoops of frat boys in the front garden.

"Never you mind. All you need to right now is rest. And never drink again."

 

* * *

 

"I'm never drinking again."

"The entire contents of your fridge is a hangover waiting to happen."

"Fuck off, Seungkwan."

"If you insist. But then you'll never know what you got up to last night. You know Soonyoung won't explain to spare what's left of your dignity." Seungkwan inspects his nails, frowning at the sight of an unexpected hangnail. "I, however, have no such issue."

Jihoon's head emerges from his cocoon of blankets, hair sticking up every which way and dried up drool collected on the side of his face, stuck to his pillow until he disdainfully peels it off. Seungkwan- who somehow never gets a hangover, the lucky bastard- stands in the doorway and makes a face.

"That's disgusting."

"So are you and Hansol, now spill."

The younger boy raises a hand to his heart in mock offense before dodging the drool infused pillow tossed his way, cackling manically as he zooms out the room to escape further attacks.

"You have to come get breakfast first!" He sing-songs and Jihoon groans.

Admitting defeat he tumbles out of bed and slinks towards the bathroom, lazily going through the motions before entering the kitchen, where he finds Seungkwan scoffing down his favourite cereal. Without permission.

"Do you have a death wish?" He grumbles, too tired to put any real weight on his threat. He snatches the cardboard box away from the younger boy and cradles it to his chest, sighing mournfully when he realises how little is left. Figuring he's already sunk to uncharted depths he grabs the milk carton and pours it straight in the box before getting himself a spoon and shovelling the mixture in his mouth, ignoring the slight leak in the bottom of his 'bowl'.

Seungkwan wrinkles his nose and fixes his friend with a very uncharacteristic look of pure exasperation. Jihoon is too busy shovelling the offending mixture in his mouth to care.

"Go on then," he manages while chewing _open mouthed_ for God's sake,"What happened last night?"

The other boy rolls his eyes and opens his mouth before hesitating slightly. Seungkwan eyes Jihoon for a second before finally speaking. Jihoon frowns. "You were drunk off your ass so Soonyoung dragged you home. He's gone to class right now though, and since I'm free this morning," he gestures to his bowl of stolen breakfast, "I'm here to keep you company!"

Jihoon glares at him. "You made me get out of bed for that? First you heist my food and now this?"

"I came all the way here just to make sure you were alive! You should be _thanking_ me."

"Seungkwan, your room is next door. And you're pissing me off, where's that leash Hansol got for your birthday? I swear we had it here somewhere-" Seungkwan's eyes widen as he splutters and flails his arms.

"How dare you bring that up?" He hisses. "Do you know how long it took for Seokmin to stop laughing every time he saw a dog walking past-" Jihoon only smirks and it is far too early in the morning for Seungkwan to deal with this now.

"I mean, I didn't know you guys were that sort of couple but if it keeps you out my kitchen-"

"I don't care how hungover you are I will castrate you with this spoon-"

"Maybe I'll just call Hansol and ask-"

A scandalised scream and some spilt milk later Jihoon wishes he'd just stayed asleep.

* * *

 

Seungkwan is shaken out of his cat nap by a hand slamming down hard on to his bedside desk. He jolts up, eyes unfocused and hands reaching for his badminton racquet.

"What the fuck?" He tries to say as small hands grip his shoulders and shake him violently. Seungkwan's still sleeping brain is taking time to catch up with him, but even now he can tell this situation is Not Good.

Jihoon growls as he lets Seungkwan's head loll back to the side, incoherent mumbling about rude awakenings. _Why is satan's spawn in his room?_ Seungkwan blinks and is able to make out the fidgeting shape of a sheepish looking Soonyoung standing at the door, chucking nervously.

_Of course._

“So I see our dear Soonyoung was more loose lipped than I originally thought! My mistake-“

"Actually, Wonwoo brought it up during english lit-" Soonyoung's protests, valid as they may be, are sadly drowned out by his best friend's vicious growl.

"What happened last night?!" Seungkwan jumps at Jihoon’s sudden interruption. He must have misread the mood. Damn it.

"I already told you-"

"No, your cereal-thieving ass didn't, Seungkwan." Jihoon glares at him, an action lethal to him were he a lesser man. Or fully conscious.

  
As it is, Seungkwan is currently still trying to process waking up, _Jihoon_ and the slightly menacing aura of rage that seems to be radiating off his friend. The situation appears to be rather dire.

"I'm giving you two minutes. _Explain._ "

Seungkwan doesn’t need to be told twice.

“Okay! So you _may_ have gotten a bit too drunk out of spite and Soonyoung and I _may_ have caught you in a bedroom with Seungcheol in a very compromising position-“

“ _And you didn't think to tell me this in the morning?_ ” Jihoon snarls. Seungkwan doesn’t need to glance over at Soonyoung to sense him cowering in fear. He, however, will not be deterred. Half asleep or otherwise.

“Dude, you were already inhaling cereal out the damn box, I’m not sure you would have been able to cope.”

Unfortunately, Jihoon still looks like he’s ready to strangle him and Seungkwan prays to God, his mom and Buddha that he lives to see another day. Tomorrow is karaoke night.

But with the enraged look on his friend’s face Seungkwan can tell Jihoon is not a hundred percent anger. There’s definitely a flash of fear and shame in his eyes and if there’s anything worse than a fuming Lee Jihoon, it’s a panicky one.

“Jihoon, seriously, we talked it out with Seungcheol. He said he wasn't trying anything on you, and I’ve known that idiot for years. I don’t think he’s lying.” Seungkwan tries to reassure him, frowning at Jihoon’s distress. “But you need to try and remember what happened, we can’t just take his word for it.”

He looks over at Soonyoung for help, grabbing Jihoon’s hand to stop him picking at his fingers and dragging him to sit on the bed. Sooonyoung only hovers in the doorway, swaying a little as he thinks over what to say.

“I think,” he finally says, "we should talk to Seungcheol. All of us, I don’t want you to alone, Jihoon. As much as I trust the guy, I don't want to assume anything.” Both him and Seungkwan turn to the shorter boy for approval.

Jihoon stares at the doorway unblinkingly for several seconds before bowing his head and nodding.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know. i lied. another classically late update i'm so _sorry_
> 
> next chapter should be dramatic?? hopefully??
> 
> again, your comments and kudos mean the world (for real over 100? thank you so so much!!)


	7. thinkin bout you pt. i

_No one is quite sure what to expect from Jeonghan. In fact, Jihoon is surprised Seungkwan didn't toss another shoe. Probably because he actually values his life._

_After an awkward shuffle away from the door, an ice pack for Seungcheol's head and some insincere pleasantries, everyone is gathered in a strange assembley. Jihoon is sandwiched between Hansol and Soonyoung on the couch, Seungkwan standing (read: forcibly being held back by Seokmin) in the doorway due to the newly established safe distance between him and Seungcheol, who is now awake and groaning into a throw pillow. Next to him is Jeonghan, grimacing slightly at his frien- no,_ boyfriend's _behaviour. No one is quite sure what to say, and even when the basketball captain lifts his head to reveal a red Nike shaped imprint Jihoon can't find it in himself to muster up a laugh._

_Jeonghan, oddly enough, is the one to break the silence._

_"So," he begins, sitting rather stiffly on the beanbag opposite Jihoon, "I think it's about time we talked this through._ Properly _." He adds when Soonyoung opens his mouth to protest. Turning to Seungcheol, Jeonghan nudges the boy's shoulder. "This idiot owes you an explanation." Seungcheol makes a whine in protest but it goes ignored as Jeonghan sighs and heaves himself onto his feet._

_"It'd be better if I wasn't here for this. I only came to make sure he didn't chicken out of coming here and, well-" He glanced at Seungkwan. "I didn't take certain other factors into account.” He gives Jihoon a small smile before leaving, and the younger boy isn’t entirely sure whether or not it’s malicious. With Jeonghan it’s impossible to tell._

_All eyes turn to Seungcheol and naturally Seungkwan is the first to turn accusatory. Jihoon can just say he beat him to it later._

_“So? We’re all standing around here like it’s a damn funeral, so hurry up and explain yourself you lying piece of-“ A hand muffles the rest of Seungkwan’s words as Seokmin chuckles nervously. Jihoon just sighs as he looks at the boy across from him. After all the heartache he’s been through, he’s ready for all of this to be over already. Seungcheol is sprawled across Soonyoung’s frayed old beanbag, hair askew and throw pillow hugged to his chest. He looks forlorn, guilty almost, but Jihoon doesn’t really feel like forgiveness right now. He’s had enough._

_“Do me a favour, Seungcheol, and just tell me one thing.”_

 

 

* * *

 

“Why is everyone still talking about Mingyu’s party? I swear the most he did with Wonwoo was present him with a bouquet of cocktail umbrellas before passing out.” Hansol looks around them incredulously. “The _real_ gossip is the amount of pages I got assigned for my History project. Twenty-three isn’t even a neat rounded number! It’s _anarchy_!”

 

“Babe, I love you, but shut up.” Seungkwan calls from the back of their troop. The boys are heading towards Seungcheol’s dorm and Jihoon is giddy from nervousness. Or maybe it’s leftover nausea from this morning. He doesn’t know.

 

People around them are all on their phones, chatting and giggling like no tomorrow. Jihoon is getting more agitated by the second. _It can’t be me they’re laughing at can it? What if someone took pictures of me drunk? What if Seungcheol_ -

 

Jihoon doesn’t even get to finish his train of thoughts when he feels his blood run cold.

 

“Oh my god, Jeonghan and Seungcheol make such a cute couple!”

 

“They were really going at it, huh?”

 

“I knew it! They always looked so close. Pay up! I can’t believe you thought Jeonghan and _Jisoo_ were dating.”

 

Jihoon can feel Soonyoung tense beside him. A group of girls beside them are squealing and looking at their phones but Jihoon needs confirmation of what he just heard. He springs into action and marches over to them, not slowing down once as he makes his way over and snatches the nearest girl’s cell. Ignoring the shriek of indignation as he does so, Jihoon has to bite back a gasp as he looks down at the image on the screen.

 

It’s now when Jihoon decides it all was too good to be true. Why does he ever think things will work out for the better? Staring down at the photo of Seungcheol and Jeonghan in a less than chaste lip-lock he almost laughs at himself. He was supposed to compare to _him_? Perfect, handsome in every way and student body president Jeonghan? He must have been insane.

 

And then his vision turns white as a very book shaped object smacks him on the back of the head. Jihoon stumbles and nearly kisses the gravel before he feels hands under his arms, hauling him upright. He shakes his head and looks up to see an extremely irked looking girl waving around a copy of _King Lear_ and cursing as she grabs her phone from his hand. Muttering “ _fucking college boys,”_ under her breath, she stalks off with her friend. The other girl gives Jihoon, Soonyoung, Hansol and Seungkwan the dirtiest look before following, only pausing to smile at Seokmin who waves back cheerily.

 

“ _What the fuck?”_ Hansol leans over to whisper in Seungkwan’s ear. The other boy shrugs. Soonyoung however, is still holding onto Jihoon’s shoulder and looking over him worriedly. Jihoon’s expression is unreadable as he shakes off his friend and turns away, walking back towards his dorm. Soonyoung is quick to go after him.

“Um, Jihoon? Are- are you okay?”

 

The shorter boy refuses to answer. How can he answer? What can he say? There’s far too many thoughts going on inside his head and all of them involve _Seungcheol, Seungcheol, Seungcheol_ -

 

Calling him _cute_. Inviting _him_ , of all people to a party. Almost kissing him in the garden. Was it all just a _joke?_

 

Jihoon realizes he’s breathing faster, walking faster and suddenly he’s running, sprinting anywhere and nowhere all at once. He can’t do this, _he can’t._ Not again. This cannot be happening to him again and _certainly not by Seungcheol._

He pauses for breath, chest heaving and knees ready to buckle, Jihoon finds himself leaning against the back wall of his dorm building. He simply stands there, head tipped back and knocking lightly against the brickwork. It’s only when he hears footsteps and a tentative “Jihoon?” sounding suspiciously like Soonyoung that his legs give in and the tears begin to fall.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back! would you look at that!
> 
> this is super SUPER late and to make up for it this will be a double update! because this is so short part two is coming tomorrow. 
> 
> thank you to ppl still reading, looking back my writing wasn't amazing starting this but I'm determined to finish it.


	8. thinkin bout you pt. ii

_Everyone turns to look at Jihoon, Hansol tried to put an arm around him but he shakes him off. Seungcheol looks like a deer caught in headlights at the fact he’s even speaking, but manages to nod dumbly._

_“Was I really just a joke to you?”_

 

 

* * *

It’s been a week.

 

Soonyoung and Seungkwan are the only ones he’ll allow to talk to him. They were there with him before. Hansol and Seokmin are good friends, but they don’t really understand what memories have been brought back to him. A few days since he’s refused to leave his room and he’s already completed all his work for the next two weeks, yet the source of his troubles still hasn’t left his mind.

 

Sighing, he rakes a hand through his hair before once again reading through the assignment that’s not due till next month. Drowning himself in work seems to be the only option he has left. Like there’s any way he’s going to speak to Seungcheol at this point. He’s already found out everything he needed to know since the entire college can’t stop talking about the basketball captain’s new relationship. A little part of Jihoon wants to curl up and die every time he thinks back to the image of Seungcheol kissing Jeonghan, hands on the other boy’d neck and oblivious to the chaos around them, _him_. He wasn’t even half a conquest. Both of them are probably getting a huge laugh over him right now, maybe the entire basketball team. He inhales sharply and tries to make sense of the words on his laptop screen. There’s a reason he doesn’t go to parties there’s a _damn reason_ he hates going along with everyone and-

 

Jihoon just needs it not to feel like twelfth grade again.

 

 

* * *

 

_Jihoon is seventeen and everything is grey._

 

He goes to class, hangs out with Soonyoung and reads till it’s four am and sleep becomes inevitable. He’s top in most of his classes, typical honor role student with the occasional jeer from a hoard of jocks. Nothing out of the ordinary for someone like him. He’s used to it.

 

With Soonyoung and Seungkwan, (he refuses to agree that he had any part in this latest development) Soonyoung’s friend in the year below, Jihoon would say he’s pretty satisfied in his high school life. They all plan to go to the same college, Soonyoung and him have pretty much lived their entire lives together, and Seungkwan- while he contains far too much enthusiasm for any one person- isn’t completely awful to be around. It’s not perfect- though he blames that part on the constant saga that is Boo Seungkwan’s ongoing war with the lunch tray portions- but he’s never really expected as much.

 

Like every day, he’s rapidly taking notes in psych class when someone taps his shoulder and very nearly ends up with their eye taken out by his biro because _what the fuck, Soonyoung I’m not about to listen to a single Oedipus pun you have to make._

 

Except it’s not Soonyoung but the handsome, all-star student that is Hwang Minhyun and is he really smiling at him? Did he have something on his face? Jihoon is a second away from turning back to his notes and resigning himself to the likelihood of sniggers and not-so-subtle whispering when he so much as breathes after this, when Minhyun shoves a note into his pen wielding hand. The shorter boy frowns, turning away from him to read it and simply becomes more confused when he sees its contents.

 

_How about we go out sometime? ;)_

Jihoon almost snorts at the use of emoticon and raises an eyebrow at the number following the message. He gives Minhyun a wary look, but his face betrays nothing, only a slightly shy smile before he glances back to the teacher, fingers tapping on the desk.

 

It’s only when he notices Soonyoung on the other side waggling his eyebrows at him and mouthing _get that ass Jihoonie_ that he crumples the paper and turns back to his notes.

_Jihoon is seventeen and everything is pale pastels and warm whispers._

 

 

It’s not even two days later when he runs into Minhyun again. Quite literally, as he knocks the taller boy down as well as himself in the greatest game of hallway bowling. Several students around them titter mockingly, and one or two- Minhyun’s _fanclub_ , amazingly people like that do exist- ask them, no _Minhyun_ if he’s okay once they retrieve themselves from the ground. Jihoon glares at anyone in sight before making his way down the hall, except now he’s got a follower. A tall, well built gentle follower with perfect hair and _is that an arm around his shoulders_ introducing himself as _Hwang Minhyun, and to apologise for this whole situation will you go get lunch with me? My treat!_

It takes a bigger man than Jihoon- Soonyoung’s voice in his head reminding him _you know everyone over the age of ten is bigger than you_ \- to say no, when he’s looking at him like that, nervous and giddy and eyes sparkling.

 

So with a curt nod he agrees, and is greeted with warm lips on his cheek and all the blood rushing to his face as Minhyun grins cheekily and walks off, turning around once to wave at him. Jihoon is frozen, hand on his cheek and wide eyes as his brain attempts to catch up with the rest of him. 

_Jihoon is seventeen and everything is in hues of pink and dusty sunrises._

 

 

They go to a milkshake bar. It’s incredibly cliché and Jihoon kind of hates the way loves it when Minhyun buys him strawberry to match his hair, a chocolate for himself because it’s a classic. He goes in feeling anxious and fidgety, awkward in all the wrong places and cursing himself when his words seem a little too blunt than originally planned. But Minhyun only grins, or laughs, tucking a strand of hair behind Jihoon’s ear and gets this sparkle in his eyes whenever he succeeds in making him blush. It’s incredibly cliché, but Jihoon finds himself sinking deeper into that sweet gaze.

Minhyun insists on walking him home, despite Jihoon's protests and later, irritated grumbling. He ruffles the shorter boy's hair and they walk at a leisurely pace, Minhyun points out a nearby cafe he says he wants to take Jihoon for their next date. Jihoon freezes, but Minhyun only laughs at him, undeterred, because _of course, we'll only go if you want to! Call me, okay?_

And Jihoon does. Surprising himself and moreso Soonyoung and Seungkwan, who chatter excitedly about his _new boyfriend_ every minute they're all together. He snaps at them angrily but the sunset dusting his cheeks gives him away and the two only relent after the third or so outburst with knowing looks. Jihoon hates them. And yet he's not so sure about Minhyun.

They go out again, the next week and the next. Jihoon smiles wider every time.

_Jihoon is seventeen and everything is sunshine smiles and rose tinted skies._

 

 

Prom is coming up, because of course it is, and Jihoon- being Jihoon- wants no part in it, content enough to be at home watching _Spirited Away_ so he can mock Soonyoung for being emotional while Seungkwan gets a sugar rush on convenience store soda. But, his routine has shifted. Far enough to the side to allow a Minhyun shaped exception to his ritual. And if that slight exception manages to ask him to go to prom with him, Jihoon can’t be blamed for accepting.

 

He’s so nervous it’d be funny if he wasn’t half a breath away from hyperventilating. Yet it is, and Soonyoung’s teasing him relentlessly while Seungkwan mock cries into a tissue about his baby growing up. Jihoon retains enough of himself to smack the younger boy upside the head, but it only makes the other two grin even further. The doorbell rings and they both squeal so loud Jihoon fears he may go deaf before the end of the night. Trying valiantly to shut them both up, Jihoon realises it’s a losing battle, so he sighs at them and fixes his suit and tie one last time before going to the door.

 

Minhyun is handsome, he knows that. But tonight the word fails to do him justice and Jihoon simply gapes at the suit clad Adonis on his doorstep. The other boy smirks a little before offering up his arm, which Jihoon takes, but not without a scoff and shake of the head. Ever the gentleman, Minhyun opens the car door for Jihoon and he settles himself in for the ride. The nervousness from before again, replaced with a sense of anticipation. He just hopes he doesn’t trip over his own feet on the dance floor.

 

The drive is longer than he expects, and Jihoon tells Minhyun as much. Where he would usually answer him with a smile or a laugh, there is nothing. Jihoon frowns, and turns to look at Minhyun to see if he heard him. Minhyun’s expression is unreadable. He won’t even glance at Jihoon, and even when he asks what’s wrong, more silence greets him. Looking back to the road, Jihoon notices they’re nowhere near school. He’s not even sure what road they’re on. _Are they lost? Where is Minhyun going?_

It turns out he doesn’t need a reply when the car comes to a sudden halt, the force of it pushing Jihoon forward violently in his seat, and he suddenly gains a newfound appreciation for his seatbelt. He’s still confused as hell, and looking at where they are in the dark, on an empty road, he begins to feel more than a little scared.

 

Anything he has to say to Minhyun is put on hold when his car door is thrown open and hands yank him out of the seat, unbuckling the seatbelt with haste and forcibly dragging him out into the night. Jihoon tries to shout but tape is pressed harshly over his mouth. His eyes widen and his movements become frantic, Jihoon struggles against his captors, kicking and punching for all he’s worth. He doesn’t know what’s going on, and suddenly he hears a light thud on the ground beside him sounds suspiciously like his phone falling out his pocket. There's still no light around him, shrouded in complete darkness as he's hauled around in the middle of nowhere, Jihoon is frightened beyond belief. What is happening? Where is he, why is he being dragged across the woods near the roadside _where is Minhyun-_

Except, Minhyun is right in front of him. A bunch of flashlights switch on and Jihoon is tossed to the ground, raucious laughter filling his ears and blinding white directed into his eyes. The sparkling eyes are looking down at him, surrounded by other smug looks and sneers. That sweet smile is twisted into a smirk. Jihoon is still lost, still unsure of everything around him and his eyes dart around the dirt and grass he’s lying on to the crowd scrutinising him with contempt from above. All it takes is for the sweet smile to form the words _fucking twink_ for Jihoon’s vision to clear and reality to sink in. The rain of eggs and rotten food that comes after and buries him head to toe doesn’t even touch him. Not really. The shrieks of mirth and laughter, curses and the darkness that follows has no effect. None.

 

Not even when they all leave, and Minhyun turns back once to share with Jihoon _just how easy he was_. _How desperate_. Not even then does he give in.

 

And by the time he picks up his broken cell and walks himself to the nearest bus station, ignoring the looks he gets from other passengers with his tattered suit and bits of garbage still stuck in his hair, he’s still in control. Broken is for bones and romance novels.

 

For the rest of the month, Jihoon walks past every giggling freshman and guffawing jock with gritted teeth and an untamed fury in his eyes. But when he sees Minhyun again for the first time since prom night, pushing some girl into the wall of the toilets as she gasps around him, the fury feels a little more like pain than he would like.

 

Jihoon moves school.

 

_Jihoon is eighteen, and everything is shattered glass and sleepless nights._


	9. i'm just curious, is it serious

_NOW_

 

Seungcheol's eyes widen.

The reaction is immediate. He starts sputtering and babbling nonsense, worried hands waving here, there and everywhere.

"Joke? What, what are you talking about? I would _never_ - I swear I never said _anything_ , and if I did I don't remember, you'd have to specify the joke in question or- _ow, hey!_ " The captain's rambling is cut short by smack over the head courtesy of Soonyoung, surprising everyone including Soonyoung himself. He freezes, before ducking his head sheepishly.

"Sorry cap, but I don't think anyone here has time to hear you try to figure this out on your own." He glances over at Jihoon, a pleading look in his eyes, silently asking  _should I tell him?_

Jihoon's continuous glare answers back a very definite _no._

Soonyoung sighs and plonks himself back down on the couch. Meeting Seungcheol's eyes, he nods once to himself and makes his resolve.

"Okay, that's it. I'm tired of seeing both of you suffer," Jihoon gives him another look signifying a _what do you mean both of us_ but Soonyoung ploughs on, "so let's get one thing straight. Seungcheol, what happened with you and Jihoon at Mingyu's party?"

The boy in question shifts guiltily. Reaching a hand to scratch the back of his neck Seungcheol gives his reply. "I know that, that looked bad but i swear Soonyoung- Jihoon, I didn't do anything. We were just talking, and you were a little too drunk, I'm not sure you really knew what I was saying. You kind of knocked me over? And we bumped heads, so that was sore, but really, that's it."

He ends the account looking into Jihoon's eyes earnestly. As he had told them what happened, Jihoon had found he could remember fuzzy images of what happened. Had he really said all those things to Seungcheol? He feels his cheeks grow hot at the memory.  _So, he didn't try and pull anything,_ Jihoon is almost felt relieved at the thought. He turns to Soonyoung, who was busy giving Seungcheol the glare of a lifetime. It isn't all too effective coming from him, but Jihoon appreciates the effort. Eventually he tears his gaze away from the captain and quirks a brow at Jihoon.

"Do you remember anything?" He asks. Jihoon glances at Seungcheol out of the corner of his eye, older boy biting his lip in worry, doe eyes looking ready to spill tears at any moment. It's a little pathetic. And more than a little cute. _I'm too far gone,_ he sighs to himself.

"He's not lying."

That seems to be enough for Soonyoung.

"Right! Now that's cleared up, why did you go to of your way to find Jihoon and take him up to Mingyu's room in the first place?" Soon young asks this with a mischievous glint in his eye, and Jihoon is about to ask why the _fuck_ they're all still sitting here when he notices Seungcheol's face begin to redden. This appears to be the desired effect of Soonyoung's question as he begins giggling, which only causes Seungcheol's blush to go darker and reach the tips of his ears. Across the room Jihoon finds he's not the only one who's shocked, Seungkwan gaping at the embarrassed basketball captain instead of finding sharp objects to impale him with. Next to him Hansol seems somewhat less surprised, eyes widening in understanding before smothering a snigger. Seungcheol meanwhile is still struggling to put his words together.

"I-I didn't, _why did you word it like that_ I was keeping him safe while I called you, I wasn't trying to-to-"

"Keep a cute, affectionate Jihoonie all to yourself?"

 _"Shut up!"_ Seungcheol's response isn't even heard over Soonyoung's cackling, and Jihoon simply bristles at the _cute_ comment. _Just where is Soonyoung going with this?_ Tired of his friend for the moment, and wanting all this over with so he can go suffer in peace, Jihoon voices his thoughts.

"Just what are you talking about?" Soonyoung's laughter dies a little as he looks from Seungcheol to Jihoon. His grin stays in place.

"How about I let wonder boy over here tell you?" Seungcheol doesn't seem to agree as he splutters some more.

"In- in front of _everyone?"_

 _"Everyone._ "

Seungcheol drops his head in his hands and groans. A muffled _I deserve this don't I?_ can be heard from behind his hands before he raises his head up slightly, cheeks brighter than a sunrise and eyes darting from Jihoon to the floor to his fingernails. 

"I, um," he coughs once before rapidly spitting out, "I really like you."

Jihoon has to strain to hear it, but hear it he does and immediately freezes. 

He can't be serious.

"You can't be serious." He says it in a deadpan voice but the feelings in his heart are anything but. The butterflies might burst out of him at any moment, or he'll pass out embarrassingly in front of all his friends because there's no way Choi Seungcheol actually _likes him._

Seungcheol isn't faring any better, the blush refusing to die down now he's confessed to the entire room, and the indignant choking coming from Seungkwan at his revelation is only now registering in Jihoon's brain. But wasn't he dating _him_? They were always together, hanging off each other, _kissing-_

"What about Jeonghan?"

Seungcheol's head whips up from where it was previously hanging in mortification. He frowns.

"What about him?"

"Aren't you two dating?" As if they couldn't get any larger, Seungcheol's eyes grow wide and another fit of choking on his words comes forth.

"What? No! Of course not, he's my best...friend..." A look of dawning realisation spreads over the captain's face, lips forming an "oh" of surprise. Jihoon shifts uncomfortably, feeling bewildered and, going by the exasperated look on both Hansol and Soonyoung's faces, hopelessly lost. 

The room is drowning in the worst silence of Jihoon's life.

"Seungkwan, I needed your help on that assignment?"

"Dude, what fucking assignm- _ow,_ what the ever loving fu- _oh._ Oh yeah, sure let's go." Still rubbing his shin where the other boy had kicked him Seungkwan troops out the apartment after Seokmin, Hansol following swiftly after.

("I have to walk my dog."

"You're allergic to dogs."

"...I'm cured?")

Soonyoung gets up too, and Jihoon is mildly alarmed because Soonyoung is his safety net and he can't sit here with Choi _gorgeous and made-my-life-hell_ Seungcheol alone. His friend senses his panic and simply smiles at him, then Seungcheol, before shaking his head.

"You two are idiots." Is all he says before waving cheerily and hopping out the door, leaving the two alone.

Jihoon doesn't know fear. In fact, on most days surrounded by rowdy kids he calls his friends he _is_ fear. But right now, facing the cause of his heartbreak alone, he can't help but feel scared. He doesn't want to go through this again. He can't. Taking a deep breath, he speaks again.

"So. You and Jeonghan, you're not together?"

"No." The spluttering is gone, and Seungcheol looks as determined as he feels, eyes looking directly into his.

"Then why did you kiss him?" Jihoon looks down at his twisting hands as he asks, voice smaller and weaker than he wants. Maybe one day, when he graduates, he'll be able to move on and forget about this. If he just avoids everyone he meets on campus like the plague.

"I shouldn't have done it."

Jihoon snaps his head upwards so quickly he surprises himself, mirroring Seungcheol's own shock earlier.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He narrows his eyebrows and glares. "How is that even a response? You didn't answer my question."

The captain has the decency to look guilty, but Jihoon can feel the fire he tried putting out years ago begin to spark and he isn't taking it this time.

"Listen to me right now. I'm not just, just someone for you to mess with until you have a better option. If you don't have a better explanation for yourself then get out." Jihoon can feel his voice getting louder and louder, his anger causing his hands to shake, and clenches them into fists lest Seungcheol notice. "You can't just say you like me and then go fucking make out with someone else! I'm tired of being treated this way! I can't believe I actually thought you were different, I can't believe I liked you, I _still_ like you!"

Jihoon is shouting now, somehow raised from his seat and standing so that for once he towers over Seungcheol, eyes scrunched closed because he can't bear to look him in the face right now.

" _I really liked you_ and just like always you ruined it. People always tell me to lighten up and trust people and this is _exactly_ why I don't want to! So well _fucking_ done, for proving me right." Breathing harshly through his nose, Jihoon is hyperaware of the tears now making their way down his cheeks. He doesn't care anymore. Seungcheol will want nothing to do with him now, and it'll all work out for the best.

But suddenly, there are gentle hands wiping those tears away. Tears keep spilling over but they don't waver, brushing softly under his eyelashes as quick as they come. They move up to cradle his face and then cup the back of his head as a solid warmth embraces him, with a whispered, _"I'm so sorry,"_ barely reaching his ears.

Jihoon lets the fire burn and cries.

 

 

* * *

It takes a while for Jihoon to finally stop hiccuping and sniffing into a tissue, but Seungcheol is there, with a cup of tea and _Kleenex_ at the ready, all the while wearing his worried yet still kicked-puppy look. For once, it doesn't hurt as much as it used to. Jihoon feels...warm.

"You're right."

Jihoon looks up from his Earl Grey, eyes rimmed red and puffy, he's too exhausted from crying to care about the state he's in, but is nonetheless completely nonplussed at the first thing Seungcheol's said since his little breakdown.

"What?"

Seungcheol pouts a bit, which isn't- no, it really _is_ cute, _I may as well give up now_ , he thinks to himself as the older boy tries again.

"What I mean is, you're right I didn't explain myself properly. I didn't realise, that the- the kiss," he stumbles a little over the word  _kiss_ and blushes, "would get around and ultimately, um, hurt you. That's not what I wanted. At all." He has that pleading look again, but Jihoon only waits for him to continue.

"Basically, it was when Jeonghan asked me to go talk with him. I don't know if you remember, we were in the garden?"

Jihoon nods, gaze falling back to his tea.

"Right. So Jeonghan has liked Joshua for a long time. And I mean a _really_ long time. But he isn't as confident with these things as everyone thinks, so Joshua had no idea." He pauses, eyeing Jihoon for any response besides his captivation with the swirling liquid in his cup. Sighing, Seungcheol slowly moves a hand forward and set Jihoon's tea on the table in front of him, leaning closer so that he is forced into looking directly into the other's eyes. Jihoon blinks, horrified at being inspected so closely when he currently resembles a zombie.

"At the party, he wanted my help to make Joshua jealous so he would make a move. I agreed because, really, I just want him to be happy. I threw my arm around him, Joshua was two feet away and didn't notice. I danced with him, still nothing. Jeonghan was ready to give up on him when I pulled him back and kissed him."

Jihoon gapes at him. Seungcheol quirks his lip up in a brief half smile before continuing. 

'He's my best friend. I hated seeing him so distraught over this, Jeonghan rarely gets visibly upset. So, I acted rashly. It was only for two seconds, but as soon as we kissed everyone went a bit crazy, so we really _did_ get Joshua's attention." He chuckles weakly. "That being said, Jeonghan wasn't too impressed by my quick thinking, even though thanks to me he now currently has a boyfriend he is _way_ too attached to, let me tell you."

Jihoon is still processing everything he's just heard as he stares into Seungcheol's eyes, blinking slowly. He closes his still dropped jaw and is about to speak.

Except he inhales too quickly and ends up choking on air, nearly smacking his head right into Seungcheol's chin. Covering his mouth with his hands, Jihoon coughs it out until his lungs decide to give him a break. Clearing his throat, he blindly accepts a glass of water that's pushed into his hands, chugging it down like it'e the first thing he's drank in years, despite the now lukewarm tea sitting next to him. He finishes and is left staring at his hands once again, before raising his head and peering at the fond look on Seungcheol's face, eyes sparkling.

Jihoon doesn't resist the urge to cover his face as a blush spreads across his face. A deep chuckle can be heard from in front of him and he groans.

"I can't _believe_ you."

"You seem to have done so thus far."

 _"Shut. Up._ You are _not_ in the position to make jokes right now."

"I'm being completely serious!"

"A likely story, and how could you think just going in and _kissing_ someone would be the best solution?"

"It was a high pressure situation! I panicked!"

"So your reaction is to lock lips with the nearest person? Wow-"

" _No,_ oh my god _-"_

A loud laugh rings out in the tiny apartment, before he hears shuffling and feels a breath ghosting over his hands. Jihoon peeks out from behind his fingers and is met by a blinding smile, barely inches from his own grimace.

"Hey. I'm really grateful you're even talking to me. Even if I don't deserve it, after hurting you so much." Jihoon turns his head away, face burning and a forced scoff of _I wouldn't say 'so much'._ Seungcheol merely smiles, reaching forward to turn Jihoon's face back to him.

"I'd like it if we could start again. Properly. If you want to, of course." 

Jihoon closes his eyes and breathes out. Opening them again, and bringing up his hands to cover Seungcheol's, he nods.

"Okay."

The grin that breaks out across Seungcheol's face is mesmerising, and Jihoon can't help but smile too, dropping his head down a little to hide it. Looking up again, he sees that same fond look in Seungcheol's eyes, and his stomach does backflips as his gaze flicks to the captain's lips and then back up again. Suddenly, horrified his mistake, Jihoon snatches his hands away once he sees a mischievous glint in Seungcheol's eyes, fiercely willing his blush to go down. Damn it, _he noticed._

"You're not subtle, you know."

"Go away."

 _"But do you really want me to?"_ This is spoken directly into his ear, much deeper than usual. Jihoon feels the blush darken and narrows his eyebrows. How dare he play dirty? Pushing at Seungcheol's chest with one hand so that he thumps back into his seat, Jihoon eyes him with defiance as rises from his chair and picks up his tea.

"Yes."

"Not even a kiss goodnight?" Jihoon fumbles with the cup, almost spilling it all over himself and the floor.

"That is the _last thing_ you are getting."

Seungcheol refuses to give up however, and follows Jihoon around the kitchen whining. It's both amusing and exasperating, and Jihoon is amazed at how different everything seems from mere hours ago. _Months_ ago. 

He stops and faces Seungcheol, making up his mind. The other boy has stopped his complaints and is now looking back at him, confused. Jihoon nods to himself, and lifts his head up to glare at him with all his might.

"If you ever, _ever_ fuck up again I'm sending Seungkwan after you."

Seungcheol instantly shivers, as if the boy himself were in the room with them, then nods determinedly.

"I won't."

"And Hansol. He gets weirdly creative about payback."

"Really, I wo-"

"Soonyoung has a black belt in taekwondo."

"Wha-"

"Seokmin has an army of freshmen choir girls that listen to his every wor-"

"Jihoon!" Seungcheol laughs, taking both of his hands into his own, stopping his list of threats. Well, not quite.

"And I," he said, a small smirk edging its way onto his face, "will never speak to you again."

"I sincerely hope not." Seungcheol replies, sunshine smile in place as he steps closer. "I'd miss your voice far too much."

"How much?"

Jihoon realises this may not even work out. That college isn't forever and nothing ever is. That he's been hurt, and is liable to being hurt again. And yet, Seungcheol makes him want to dive in anyway. He makes him feel it's worth it. And with the way he's looking at him now, how close they're both standing, noses almost brushing, right at this moment, he can't find it in himself to care.

"Let me show you."

And Jihoon does.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we really done did it it's the end!! I'm sorry for my once in a blue moon updates but thank you so much if you kept reading, you're the reason i finally got to finish this
> 
> (oop sorry about the errors in this i wrote it all in one go so i'm fixing it now)
> 
> i was going to update for christmas but a lot of things happened. shinee is super important to me and i don't think any amount of time will make this better, but i want to continue doing what i love no matter what. i really hope he's happy. i hope shinee remain happy too.
> 
> and last but not least, there will possibly be an epilogue? maybe? if i have the time
> 
> thanks for sticking around
> 
> -daunut


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